Best Self

They say that “Perfection is the Enemy of Done.” I guess I am my own worst enemy. When it comes to espresso, margaritas, and love I will not accept failure, half measure or even a half stop below perfection. I have spent years on my espresso; working and saving to buy better equipment; laboring over each shot; reading and learning wherever I could. Likewise I have spent my whole life in pursuit of love, and then in its betterment and refinement. I can be nigh obsessive about some topics. ...

Today sucked royally. I started the day saddled with the dread of a project (replacing the hot water heater) that I just knew was going to go badly. This project was going to go badly because: I couldn’t get to all of the fittings to measure what size they were and therefore didn’t know for sure what to buy to replace them. The old water heater may have or may not have fit out through the available hole… Oh no. It didn’t. The beginning of the project involved cutting the safety net (all of the hoses, strapping, and electrical) thereby completely committing me to raving success or miserable failure. The space that I had to work in was miserably small, virtually guarantying several minor concussions, gashes, and bruises (check, check, and check) The very best that I had hoped for was to get enough done that I could safely turn on the pressure water in the evening (cold only) to do the dishes from the margaritas. So after a grumpy breakfast, and a grumpy trip to the chandlery and the hardware store, I grumpily made by way back down the dock with not quite enough parts to complete the project, and a pretty bad attitude. I was short tempered all morning, and when I finally remeasured the new hot water heater and found that it was something like 10" too tall for the space it was going into, I was pretty certain that I was going to go stratospheric. When I then remeasured the old heater and found that there was no possible way to get it out without removing the countertop, I thought I would cry. ...

Can critically evaluating your relationship lead to a happier healthier self while simultaneously improving the relationship?

This is the first chance I’ve had to sit down at my computer in six days. When in the last 15 years have I been able to say that? This vacation was certainly unique. Since it was a last minute (we decided at lunch two days before departing) decision, the expectations were low. Regardless, none of us were prepared for the highs and lows of this last week. On the high side: ...

Yesterday we woke up before 5am for the 14th consecutive day. Our parenting style dictates that we just roll with this, as unnatural and seemingly untenable as it is. Vick and I believe that its our responsibility to call it a night so that we can rise with the kids (see my earlier article for more on this). So we’ve been dutifully rising and shining at 4-5am and using lattes to get us through the week. ...

My face and belly are radiating that kind of inside out warmth that comes from a day of doing all ones favorite things. I don’t mean to lead my readers to believe that today was easy. The children were on again off again unmanageable and Victoria was regularly overwrought by her prognostication that, due to said children, and an unfortunately poor choice of words on my part the night before, she didn’t know if “this was going to work.” (She was of course referring to the Big Trip.) Normally when my family is assaulted by this severe a maelstrom I am emotionally and pragmatically debilitated for the duration. The whole of my attention is consumed trying to determine what I am going to do about it. ...

Errata: I initially labeled this “Ruby’s 8th Kyu Test”, having counted backwards from 10. I forgot that she was a AikiExplorer before she was 10th Kyu. So when you see the movie title, you’ll know which to believe.

I have never considered myself to be a competitive person. Perhaps at one point I wasn’t, or perhaps I’ve just been deluding myself all this time. The first indisputable proof that I am indeed a competitive person came when I started riding my bike to work on a regular basis*. I noticed after only a few weeks that I just could not tolerate being passed, and had an unquenchable thirst to pass others. ...

We just returned from a truly wonderful vacation. I took the family back East (Boston, Portland, Round Pond) for almost the whole month of August. We saw most of our family, got to welcome baby Jacob into the world, and many of our oldest friends. It was a true vacation in every sense. The children both came into their own. Ruby, discovering her roll in our family (nuclear and extended), found her inner sweetness (best self) and showed an unexpected degree of maturity, self reliance, and empathy. This was best expressed when she was shepherding her sister around, pointing out dangers, explaining tricks and relationships, and helping her get her needs met. ...

Okay, I’m going to come right out and say this cheesy thing that sometimes runs through my mind. I am a radiant being. This is not to say that I am radiant and some other people are dull. I suspect that we are all radiant. In any case, that’s not the point of this post. This is the point. I want to believe that what I do for money is just one aspect of who I am, and what makes me valuable in this life. ...

I put this Title in my drafts folder on June 12th. Its been sitting there taunting me ever since. Then on Wednesday I attended a session at OSCON titled “Programmer Insecurity & The Genius Myth”. Ben Collins-Sussman and Brian Fitzpatrick talked to us about how our fear of looking like an idiot or not being taken seriously, or hubris, prevents us from admitting failure. The following are my thoughts on this topic, which have recently been influenced and enhanced by Ben and Brian. ...

I’m a crunchy, touchy feelie, hippie parent. As such its often hard to come up with just the right words to tell your kid that biting her mom and laughing about it makes you wildly, furiously, and deeply unhappy. As a hippie, touchy feelie, AP, parent you are not, for example supposed to say “Do that again and you’re out of the family.” Nor is it encouraged to shout “Are you insane?” It’s just not the thing. Conversely the suggested mantras “Biting is not okay” and “We don’t bite sweetie,” just don’t really satisfy the deep, furious, wild feelings that are floating around the house at such moments. ...

I spend a lot of time thinking about how I’m going to leave this world better than I found it. This is a bugaboo of a thing to spend any time worrying about because the scope is grossly un-bracketed. I could satisfy my sense of social responsibility by creating an organization that brings food or educational resources to third world countries, or by raising two fantastic children who carry forward the same desire to do good. ...