Love

I don’t know what exactly it is about passagemaking that brings out these feelings but it’s so common as to be a phenomenon. Despite the sleep deprivation, and subtle (and sometimes acute) hardships of crossing hundreds of miles of ocean. Despite being cramped in a small, often roughly rolling vessel with two lovely but demanding children, I often find a moment, or a long string of moments where I am just so overwhelmed with gratitude for my great good fortune that it feels transcendent. ...

We arrived in Australia almost exactly two and a half years ago. Pulling into Brisbane after 15 months of cruising seemed decidedly like the end of our adventure. We were trading sun soaked beaches, a persistent, intimate awareness of the weather, sundowners with dear friends, and nearly daily boat maintenance for the relative ease of city life, a stable job, and weather that wouldn’t really affect us. What I soon discovered was that it was just the start of a new adventure, one punctuated by forging new relationships, and building a life in a foreign country. Making this foreign country feel native—navigating the subtle cultural differences, finding our community, as well as coming to the understanding that all the animals that could kill us here, wouldn’t necessarily (under normal circumstances) want to kill us— was just as challenging and exciting as when we sailed through Mexico, or the Marquesas. ...

I was fortunate to have a pretty amazing/progressive sexual education. When I was an early teen I participated in a program called AYS (About Your Sexuality) that my church put on. You can read the wikipedia article for a slightly jaded synopsis of the curriculum, but for me it provided all of the information that I needed to take it real slowly, sexually speaking. As a result while most of my guys friends were losing their virginity, I was kissing and holding hands. I got really good at it. In fact I got so good at it that I had an entire (2 week) relationship once that centered around (shall we say) erotic hand holding. Twenty something years later I find that I still get a charge from it. ...

Krister summed it up pretty perfectly over margaritas the other night, “This place is like a joke, it’s like they said let’s take all the money the US spends on the military and spend it on public services.” Nail, meet hammer. Brisbane has free museums, free multi-city-block-long-swimming-lagoon-with imported sand, free public transportation in and around the city center, free bikes to ride, reliable water fountains, tons of live music, and a government mandate that building owners provide public facing art installations. This place is like a joke, and I love the punchline. ...

When I heard Zinnia was planning to move to Penrhyn I thought to myself, her mother may never see her again. And I thought that my children may end up moving to a place somewhere in the world, a place so remote that Lonely Planet only has five sentences to say about it.

I love this country. I love the chaotic efficiency that I’ve observed in everything from a marina checkins to hopping off a bus (they don’t quite stop to let you off). Speaking of busses, I love that they are all different. Today I saw one with a spoiler (after market on this model of Mercedes bus, I’m fairly certain) and a Hot Wheels® decal. Tonight’s bus was blaring tradtional mexican music alternating with hip hop. ...

We’re on our new anchor for the first time. When we started telling everyone that we were leaving this year for our cruise the sailors around us came out of the woodwork with offers of help to make things happen. Over the past few weeks we’ve purchased and installed our Rocna 33, our Lewmar V3 Windlass, and 300 feet of G40 HT 5/16" chain. We bought our anchor used, as a return to the store, for about a third of the retail price. The windlass and chain were also purchased at excellent prices. Still, for the cost of all of this ground tackle we could have stayed in a marina for a long long time. But staying in a marina is not our plan. ...

I was just updating my privacy settings on Facebook and found this Note from a year ago yesterday. I have played exactly two of these “games” on Facebook and this is the one that I took seriously. I decided to repost it here, today, partly because I think it’s neat that I wrote it a year ago (almost exactly) and partly because I think I would write pretty much the same thing today. Also, as I mention in the list, I long to be undersood. ...

Amanda (of Britannia) came over last night and we got on the topic of love. Specifically “True Love” and “Soul Mates.” I have a complicated opinion on the topic of soul mates that provided good fodder for our conversation. Too soon we noticed it was midnight and had to say goodnight to our friend. As we were falling asleep I wondered aloud*: I’m not sure how to reconcile the seemingly antithetical views I have on what makes a relationship work. On the one hand I believe that an awesome relationship demands that both partners periodically choose to remain in the relationship. On the other hand I know that it is essential to believe, with the completeness of your being, that your love is immutable. The latter, I believe, amounts to a sacred commitment to the relationship (spoken or not). ...

They say that “Perfection is the Enemy of Done.” I guess I am my own worst enemy. When it comes to espresso, margaritas, and love I will not accept failure, half measure or even a half stop below perfection. I have spent years on my espresso; working and saving to buy better equipment; laboring over each shot; reading and learning wherever I could. Likewise I have spent my whole life in pursuit of love, and then in its betterment and refinement. I can be nigh obsessive about some topics. ...

Somehow music and song lyrics have worked their way into my life again after many years. The sleep deprivation of having young children has nearly faded (now that both of them sleep through the night most of the time) and I’m able to pay closer attention to the world around me. Tucker has been playing the song The Gambler by Fun lately. We were barely eighteen when we crossed collective hearts. ...

Fifteen years ago today Victoria drove a borrowed truck, with her limited possessions into Brattleboro, Vermont to join me on what would be our first, longest, and most significant adventure together. I can still feel the crisp chill of the pre-winter air as I chatted nervously with one of the local crazies and awaited her arrival. Separated by hundreds of miles, without money or transportation, our relationship had just barely survived what we now know to have been its darkest hour. In the weeks preceding her arrival we had actually split up. Our friends, family, and advisors were in accord that our love was destined for disaster. We knew with unflappable, unassailable conviction that there was something about the other that we needed to explore, to know, and to grow from. This confidence and desire to grow together, it turns out, has been the foundation of our relationship. ...

There are dozens of reasons to love living on a boat. Some adore the gentle rocking as they fall to sleep; some like the gorgeous view from their cockpit and decks; some the ability to take their home on vacation with them; and others cherish the simplicity of living small. I’m sure the list goes on. For me though the thing I love most is the dockside social scene. At first I thought I had just lucked into the world’s best marina but now that we have spent a week in Santa Cruz harbor, I’m starting to believe that there is a universal chattiness amongst sailors. ...

Can critically evaluating your relationship lead to a happier healthier self while simultaneously improving the relationship?