Parenting

Parenting is *hard.*I still find myself waking up at night to tend to bad dreams, or bug bites, and there’s the constant sibling squabbles, and, with us, homeschooling battles. That’s not to mention the challenges of ushering our kids through their self-identification. I have noticed, several times over the busy few years past, that I haven’t really been focusing on those moments that make parenting awesome. On Lizard Island, we got our first real break of this leg of passage making. We snorkeled, and hiked and spent time together having fun. It really frustrated me that Olive wouldn’t get in the water. We know she can swim, and she is excited about her new wetsuit and mask, but she just wouldn’t take the plunge. Then one afternoon, after getting really upset about it, she and I were playing in the shallows and I started acting like godzilla, stomping and grunting, and she pretended to fight me. After a little of this horsing around, I asked her if she would like me to teach her something. She agreed, and we got her mask. I showed her how to clear her snorkel and how to put it on underwater. She was really good, and I let her know. She was visibly proud, and something changed in her. We spent the next hour or two snorkeling in the shallows and now she asks constantly when we will get another chance. ...

It’s not an unfamiliar scene on Convivia. It’s the night before a present giving event, and Vick and I are wondering if we should run out and get one or two more things. “We have Ruby’s presents (the most substantial expenditures this year at $24), and my 6” handmade felt pterodactyl, and… that’s it." Our cultural programming was going haywire. I pretty much assume that a birthday or christmas is going to run ~$300/kid when it’s all said and done. Was this going to be the worst birthday ever? ...

We’ve visited four of Vanuatu’s beautiful islands. We’re now in Port Vila experiencing the touristy city life, with ridiculous cover bands playing loudly on the harbor’s edge, gift shops filled with Chinese made souvenirs, and inappropriately dressed tourist girls. While I love our access to the waterfront showers, the delicious juice bar, and the amazing produce market, this is a scene that could be experienced in any country. Where we’ve come from in Anelcauhat, Aneityum and Port Resolution, Tanna, is another world, a world I’m so grateful to have seen. ...

I am often asked about cruising with kids. Is it difficult? I’ve overheard people talking about us. We’re brave apparently, and it’s not because of the ocean, or the remote places we go, it’s because we took our kids. We’re also crazy, according to a gal hiking behind us recently. And we love the commotion, mess, and noise of 5 little kids running around the boat, thought the gal in the slip next to us for a week in La Cruz. Most people out here have waited until their kids are grown up and from what I gather, most people are unwilling to live this closely with their kids day in and day out. ...

Olive: “You know what this is daddy?” Me: " No Olive, what is that" (she’s holding two paint stirrers) Olive: “Its a gun for catching gooses and ducks with fire and steam” Me: “Buddy, do you think you’re old enough for a gun?” Olive: “Oh yeah, Im a very big girl. Very tall” Me: “Okay then i guess you’re big enough to go to bed without nursing then?” Olive: “Aye Aye” ...

Thought this was pretty funny. Thanks to this article by the super funny and entertaining Janna Cawrse Esarey for hooking me up with this video.

Yesterday we woke up before 5am for the 14th consecutive day. Our parenting style dictates that we just roll with this, as unnatural and seemingly untenable as it is. Vick and I believe that its our responsibility to call it a night so that we can rise with the kids (see my earlier article for more on this). So we’ve been dutifully rising and shining at 4-5am and using lattes to get us through the week. ...

We had a really first rate dinner at Amber tonight. When we arrived (at 5:15), there was one other family there and we were seated in the very back corner of the room reserved for families with little kids that look like trouble. Ruby was wearing her pink flower rain boots, mini-skirt, and a blue tee-shirt. Olive was sporting the ripped play pants and a dinosaur shirt. I really can’t blame them for seating us in the back corner, and it did nothing to dampen our enjoyment of the meal. The waitstaff positively doted over Olive. She played it cool, not answering their questions, but turning around to gawk at them when they walked away. ...

While I was on vacation, I received word that I had been invited to be a guest at TED India 2009. Tonight I completed the registration and made it official. My tickets are purchased and plans are being laid. When I mentioned to my dad that I was almost certainly going to India, he told me that he had always wanted to go and got this far away look in his eye. I instantly extended an invitation to him, hoping that he would accept, but aware that it was a big lift for him. I was happily surprised when my Mom started to encourage him and he gradually agreed that this was the chance of a lifetime. Of course my parents have this habit of dreaming about things in a way that looks to outsiders like resolve, so I was optimistically skeptical until last week when we bought our plane tickets. ...

I’m a crunchy, touchy feelie, hippie parent. As such its often hard to come up with just the right words to tell your kid that biting her mom and laughing about it makes you wildly, furiously, and deeply unhappy. As a hippie, touchy feelie, AP, parent you are not, for example supposed to say “Do that again and you’re out of the family.” Nor is it encouraged to shout “Are you insane?” It’s just not the thing. Conversely the suggested mantras “Biting is not okay” and “We don’t bite sweetie,” just don’t really satisfy the deep, furious, wild feelings that are floating around the house at such moments. ...

Basically, what I’ve learned so far boils down to this. Parenting is not so much about managing your children, as it is about managing yourself. For example, in our family the kids wake up every morning (in the winter) at 6:30. 6:30 wake up calls make me a bit grumpy, so I could either: a) yell at the kids to leave me alone or; b) go to sleep earlier so that I’m not so tired at 6:30. ...

I spend a lot of time thinking about how I’m going to leave this world better than I found it. This is a bugaboo of a thing to spend any time worrying about because the scope is grossly un-bracketed. I could satisfy my sense of social responsibility by creating an organization that brings food or educational resources to third world countries, or by raising two fantastic children who carry forward the same desire to do good. ...