Social

There are places that you hear about from other cruisers, special places. Perhaps the first time will be over sundowners in someone’s cockpit, and then again online, or through the coconut telegraph. After a while, a few of these places rise to the top, they become legendary. We have had the incredible good fortune of having visited many of them, but this one, we almost missed. We had originally planned to take the North Indian Ocean route, which would have shown us Sri Lanka, Maldives, Chagos (another storied cruiser destination) and possibly Seychelles. The wind died early for that route, this year, and we missed our chance. Then we decided to go from Padang, Sumatra, directly to Madagascar, but the winds weren’t really blowing that way and we didn’t have the fuel to motor to the wind. So we lucked out. ...

I’m sitting in the City Library. Olive is watching Minecraft videos and Vick is reading a cookbook. This is the place where I spend the majority of my waking hours recently. It’s been my “office” for the last several months. This is the place where plantefunder.org took its new shape. The colors and sounds are so familiar that they have become my norm. Boat, Library, Gardens, Library, Boat. That’s my daily route. Even the handful of coffee shops I frequent aren’t as comfortable as this space has become. ...

One of the very first things I learned about Australian culture was that it robustly supports the lopping of tall poppies. Unless you are from AU, NZ, CA, or the UK you probably don’t even know what this term means, Wikipedia describes it as: “… a social phenomenon in which people of genuine merit are resented, attacked, cut down, or criticised because their talents or achievements elevate them above or distinguish them from their peers.” ...

I’ve been noticing a lot of articles, podcasts, tweets, and other coverage lately about slut shaming and rape culture. Maybe it’s that I have decidedly feminist sexual politics and my friends and news feeds tend to reflect and amplify those topics, or maybe (I can hope) it’s because our society is starting to realize that feminism and (more basically) respecting women is an issue that men have a serious stake in. When I hear on the news that people are sympathising with rapists who’s “futures have been ruined”, I assume that the part of the population that thinks that way must be incredibly small, uneducated and dim witted. When I read the dozens of brave letters from women (some in their middle years, some in high school) who have been sexually bullied, slut shamed, and raped I would love to believe that they represented 100% of the population that has been saddled with such a burden. ...

New parents, new lovers, newly converted, people discovering a great new ashram, sport, hobby, or any other infatuation. We all share a common stigma. Most people want us to just shut up already. There is something about falling in love that puts a shine so bright on us that makes some people just want to turn us off. What kind of trips me out about this phenomenon is that it is socially accepted that shining too brightly is annoying (at best). Like new parents who just can’t stop talking about their beautiful perfect babies are somehow rubbing the rest of our noses in it. I was that guy (okay, I’m always that guy). I couldn’t stop talking about my kids. Even now, I have to remind myself mid-emote, that the general contractor of our new headquarters really doesn’t care, he was just being polite. ...

Say hello to a stranger on the street. If they look interesting and willing to chat walk with them up the block. Tucker met Andrea in Vermont many years ago this way and we had such a great time with her. Make friends with a friend of a friend. You see someone at a friend’s party and then the next one and so on. At some point, have dinner with the friend of the friend and see what happens. ...

Today I signed the application that will give us live aboard status at our old marina in the East Bay. We’ve been on the waiting list for 10 years and when I called the other day to find out our status, I learned that we had finally made it to the top. This is a huge step for our family because it means that we can live aboard in a marina that will allow us to sail on the weekends. Everyone we’ve talked to at Pete’s harbor seemed resigned to the fact that they could not sail and live aboard. I’m hopeful that, with the Golden Gate Bridge clearly visible from our marina, we’ll be reminded that we’re in this to sail, not to sit at the dock. ...

Yesterday we woke up before 5am for the 14th consecutive day. Our parenting style dictates that we just roll with this, as unnatural and seemingly untenable as it is. Vick and I believe that its our responsibility to call it a night so that we can rise with the kids (see my earlier article for more on this). So we’ve been dutifully rising and shining at 4-5am and using lattes to get us through the week. ...

In a recent comment my buddy Dave asked: “Okay. I have a question I’ve been meaning to ask, even see if you would write a blog post on it. This seems like an opportune time. Why Twitter? I don’t get it. Am I not understanding something fully? It seems like one more digital distraction in my day. I’ve got enough on my plate as it is. But the rate at which people use it makes me think its not going away as fast as I once thought. ...

Today started off just like any other Sunday. We scrambled around to get dressed and ready for the Coffee Social and then to get Vick out the door to the Farmer’s Market. All of our friends came over for coffee and much fun was had. Then at 11:30 we kicked everyone out so we could hop a train to San Francisco. We caught the 12:19 train to SF and hoofed it to Automatic @ Pier 38. We arrived just a few minutes before the Camp started and there was already a line out the door. At 2 (on the nose) the line started moving and within a few minutes we were all crowding the tables for the first round of cupcakes. Ruby and I opted for Taro cupcakes and I was quite surprised that I really liked it. Vick stood at table 3 and waited for the Cheesecake cupcakes but they never came. ...

I put this Title in my drafts folder on June 12th. Its been sitting there taunting me ever since. Then on Wednesday I attended a session at OSCON titled “Programmer Insecurity & The Genius Myth”. Ben Collins-Sussman and Brian Fitzpatrick talked to us about how our fear of looking like an idiot or not being taken seriously, or hubris, prevents us from admitting failure. The following are my thoughts on this topic, which have recently been influenced and enhanced by Ben and Brian. ...

I’m a crunchy, touchy feelie, hippie parent. As such its often hard to come up with just the right words to tell your kid that biting her mom and laughing about it makes you wildly, furiously, and deeply unhappy. As a hippie, touchy feelie, AP, parent you are not, for example supposed to say “Do that again and you’re out of the family.” Nor is it encouraged to shout “Are you insane?” It’s just not the thing. Conversely the suggested mantras “Biting is not okay” and “We don’t bite sweetie,” just don’t really satisfy the deep, furious, wild feelings that are floating around the house at such moments. ...

Years ago Victoria and I heard about a long standing Bay Area soup night. The premise is that the host makes a big pot of soup and invites anyone to come eat. Some people bring other food, others just eat. Since there is no controlling who came there are endless possibilities for social and intellectual cross-pollination . This idea settled deep into my consciousness and made a home. I’ve been carrying it with me for years, and talking about it from time to time. ...

For the longest time after moving to California, Vick and I were convinced that this was a state (or at least a region) that seriously undervalued community. We were more than a little surprised to find, once Victoria got pregnant, that their was this completely amazing virtual community of parents hidden, Hogwarts style, from our view all that time. Now years after our first child was born, we’re grateful to be surrounded by wonderful and supportive friends (some even without children), and a strong community. So partly as a celebration of that good fortune, and partly to bolster and encourage a stronger sense of community, we’ve started to hold a weekly Coffee Social. ...